When fertility struggles stretch on, it’s easy for life to start revolving around protocols, timing, and doing everything “right.” But sometimes the most supportive shift isn’t adding more, it’s creating space to listen to what your body and mind may actually need.

And if you’re navigating miscarriage or implantation challenges, this is something we explore more deeply in this free training, where we talk about how the immune system and microbiome influence fertility and pregnancy loss.

But before we dive into all of that science, I wanted to share something from my own experience.

When my husband and I were trying to conceive our first daughter, I remember hitting a point where I had a pretty big wake-up call. Not only was I incredibly stressed from work and overworking, but I was also stressed because I wasn’t getting pregnant despite doing “all the things.” And because fertility and hormones are literally my career, that added another layer of pressure. It felt like there was no escaping it, and every month that passed without a positive test felt heavier.

Every protocol, every adjustment, every new thing I tried carried this underlying urgency. At some point I realized something important: I couldn’t keep repeating the same cycle over and over again. That wasn’t going to bring me my baby, and honestly, I didn’t want to live like that anymore.

Trying to conceive when you’re struggling with fertility can quietly remove the joy from everyday life. Everything starts to revolve around timing, outcomes, and what you think you should be doing. For me, something needed to shift, and the shift didn’t come from adding more. It came from letting a few things go.

For a period of time, I stopped tracking my cycle. I know that probably sounds wild coming from someone in this field, especially when you want a baby so badly, but I needed space from the constant monitoring. I started having sex when I actually wanted to instead of when the calendar told me it was the “right time.” I made more room for rest, and I intentionally carved out time to do things that were simply enjoyable instead of productive, things that had nothing to do with optimizing my hormones or improving my chances of getting pregnant.

I want to be very clear here. I’m not sharing this to suggest that if you stop tracking or relax more you will suddenly get pregnant. Fertility is deeply biological, and there are real root causes that deserve attention and support. What I’m sharing is the moment when I realized that my body and mind needed a different kind of balance.

Something else has shifted for me over the years as I’ve continued learning more about fertility and conception. The more I understand about what actually has to happen in the body for a pregnancy to occur, the more I appreciate what a true miracle it is. So many things have to align: hormones, timing, immune signals, nutrient status, communication between cells, the embryo, and the uterine lining. It is an incredibly intricate and coordinated process.

When I was in the thick of trying to conceive, I don’t think I held that sense of wonder. It felt much more like control and calculation. If I could just track everything perfectly and do everything right, then the outcome should follow.

One thing that actually helped shift that perspective for me was journaling to my future baby. I would write letters to her, even though at the time she didn’t exist yet outside of my hopes and prayers.

At first, this was an excruciating process. I cried almost every time I tried to write. It almost felt like it made things too real, like I was confronting the fact that we didn’t have a child yet and didn’t know when we would. I’m not sure exactly what it was about the process, but it hurt.

But I also released so much through it.

In those pages I let my baby know that I was ready for her, that I was ready to be her mom, and that I was waiting for her with so much love. It was incredibly hard at times, but it also ended up being one of the most therapeutic things I did during that season.

And one day, when my daughter is older, I plan to share those journal entries with her. They hold such an honest record of how deeply she was wanted and how much love existed for her even before we ever met.

That practice helped me move from trying to control the process to holding space for the miracle of it.

Because the miracle of life doesn’t really work like a calculation.

If you’re in a season of trying to conceive right now, especially if it has been a difficult road, I want to gently encourage you to get curious. Not about what someone else says you should do, but about what your own intuition might be nudging you toward. Is there something your body asking for more of, like rest, play, time outside, or connection? Or maybe there is something it’s asking you to loosen your grip on, even temporarily.

This journey isn’t easy, and there is no perfect way to navigate it. But sometimes the most supportive thing we can do for ourselves is step back for a moment and create a little more space inside the process. You deserve moments of joy along the way too.

Here is a great nervous system podcast episode that you may find helpful as you go through your fertility journey.

​reminder: i’m currently accepting people into my Nurture Your Fertility program. you can learn more here about the program and fill out an application!